Christian Marriage 01 - Foundations

This document is intended as a handout for Christian Marriage classes or discussion groups or a reference outline for Christian Marriage counseling. It is my experience that most of all routine marriage counseling situations that I encounter are addressed by the following five passages. They represent a powerful introduction and overview of Christian Marriage, and the attached PDF document represents and excellent outline for training Christians to help other Christians with their marriages.

For best printing, don't try to print this web page. Instead, download the attached PDF.

-- Stephen

Christian Marriage 01 - Foundations

Eph 5:21-33 - Spiritual Foundations

• Roles: God calls the husband and wife to different roles.
• Love as Christ Loved: The foundation of the marriage relationship is how Christ loved the church. A husband lays down his life and sacrifices for the benefit of his wife. He put her needs above his own.
• Radiant: The husband's objective is to build up his wife so that she is radiant (visibly joyful and confident).
• Blameless: The husband's method is to extend boundless grace and show confidence and belief in his wife. Blaming each other is unproductive and harmful. He views her as blameless and flawless despite any evidence to the contrary.
• Submission: Submission to one another is something we are all called to and it is mutual. It does not start at marriage. There is also an additional aspect of the wife submitting to the husband. It's not hard to submit to a man being Christ-like.
• Unity and Oneness: In marriage the two are now one. The weaknesses, strengths, victories, and defeats of either husband or wife are now shared as those of the couple. Competitiveness has no place.
• Teamwork: Unity means you are a team. You complement each other. When one falters, let the other one help. Your success together as a couple is more important than either of your individual successes.
• Leadership: According to Jesus, leadership is humble service. As the leader, a husband should be prepared to say he's sorry first, to get advice first, to receive outside correction first, and to forgive first.
• Love and Respect: The wife's greatest need from the husband is for affection. The husband's greatest need from the wife is for respect.

1 Pe 3:1-7 - Consideration and Respect

• Christ as the Model: "In the same way" (verse 1, 7) - The admonitions to both wife and husband are equally based on Christ's faithful, humble, and sacrifi
  cial actions on our behalf.
• Consideration: Husbands, be considerate. Think about her needs, thoughts, opinions, preferences and frequently put them above your own.
• Respect: Husbands, treat your wife with respect. Though she is weaker by some measures, she is an equal heir with you in God's sight.
• Relationship with God: Treating each other well is of utmost importance to your spiritual health (so that nothing will hinder your prayers).
• Decision Making: A husband should use consideration and respect for his wife in family decision making. No major family decision should be made against he
  r strong disapproval.
• Example is Stronger than Words: Wives, call your husband higher by your behavior (purity, reverence, submission) more than your words.
• Unfading Beauty: Beauty comes from within (a gentle, quiet, and submissive spirit) and grows rather than fades with age. Recognize that. Value it. Don't c
  onfuse it with outward beauty.

1 Co 13:1-8a - Love

• The Greatest Virtue: Love is greater than gifts, public speaking, knowledge, faith, good deeds, and commitment.
• Is it Love ?: During any conflict, ask yourself whether your behavior is consistent with love. Love is patient, kind, not envious, not boastful, not proud, not rude, not self-seeking, not easily angered, keeping no record of wrongs.
• Protects: Love always protects.
• Believe in Each Other: Love always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Eph 4:29-32, 25-27 - Communication

• Building Up According to Needs: Every spoken word should build your partner up according to their needs. Even true words, spoken with good intent, can be unwholesome talk if the needs of the hearers are not considered.
• Timing, Tone, and Tact: These are all issues which take needs into account.
• Anger: Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires, and it is the enemy of meaningful communication. Rather, forgive.
• Don't Let the Sun Go Down: Don't let unresolved tension persist. Resolve it every day. You may not agree, but you can apologize for the anger and reaffirm your love. You may need to call a time out to pray and settle down, but come back together soon to resolve things.

1 Co 7:1-5 - Sex

• Duty: Sex is a gift that husband and wife give to each other, but it is also a God-ordained duty.
• Deprivation: Don't ever deprive each other. Don't use sex as a reward or deprivation as a punishment.
• Frequency: Even if you both were in agreement, you should only abstain "for a time." Regular sexual contact is healthy and guards against temptation. A good guideline is for the frequency to be governed by the partner with the greater sexual need.

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Christian Marriage 01 Foundations - a handout for Christian marriage classes/discussions or a reference outline for counselors