Christian Parenting 01 - Foundations

This document is intended as a handout for Christian Parenting classes or discussion groups or a reference outline for Christian Parenting counseling. These concepts represent a powerful introduction and overview of Christian Parenting, and the attached PDF document represents and excellent outline for training Christians to help other Christians with parenting.

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-- Stephen

Christian Parenting 01 - Foundations

Memory Scriptures: (Dt 6:4-9, Ps 103:8-14, Eph 6:1-4, Lk 15:18-21, 1 Th 2:7-12, Heb 12:7-11)

• Our Purpose: To Prepare our Children to love God and go to Heaven. (Eph 6:4, Dt 6:4-9)
• Prerequisites: The foundation of good parenting is a good marriage. The foundation of a good marriage is a life dedicated to pleasing God. Church leadership benefits from skills and successful experience in all three of these areas.
• Everyone Different: All parents, children, and combinations of husband/wife/child are different. No one has the perfect answers for me. I must seek many advisors and make the best choices for my family with submission to God as my guiding priority. I also make different decisions for different children as appropriate.

Our Model: God is a Good Father. (Ps 103:8-14, Lk 15:10-32)

The greatest lessons on parenting in the Bible are truths about how God relates to us.
God relates to us as a Father relates to his son. This includes applying discipline and showing mercy and grace.
When we learn a little about God, we learn a lot about parenting.
We also learn about other interactions within the church which are similar to parenting. (1 Th 2:7-12, 1 Co 4:15)
The following things make God a good Father. As we imitate God in these, we become better parents.

• God is complete in joy and esteem in Himself without need of children. (Ac 17:24-27, Jn 1:1-5, Pr 8:22-31)
• He has opened himself up to pain and joy voluntarily by loving people. (Gen 6:5-6, Lk 15:7)
• He has wisdom far above that of his children (Is 40:13-14, Is 55:8-9)
• He has the capacity to give without limit (without tiring), to be patient, and to forgive. (Is 40:28, 2 Pe 3:8-9)
• He knows His children intimately, better than they know themselves. (Ps 139:1-16, Ps 103:13-14, 1 Co 10:13)
• He grants his children free will as a gift. He seeks to influence them not control them. (Lk 15:10-24)
• He has high hopes and noble aspirations for his children. (Jer 29:11-13)
• He sets the perfect example. He wants us to be like Him and to be with Him (Mt 5:48, Eph 5:1, Gal 4:6)
• He wants to instill Himself in us. (Ro 8:9-17)
• He wants us to be happy, to have good things, and to have an inheritance. (Mt 7:7-11, Lk 11:11-13, Gal 4:7)
• He gives us rules and laws so that we know right and wrong, but he knows that it is His grace, mercy, and patience that will teach us to obey those laws. (Ro 5:12, Ro 7:5-24, Ro 8:1-17, Gal 3:10-12,19,22,24, Gal 3:26-4:7)
• He disciplines us so that we may be like him. Discipline must be painful for us to receive the benefit. (Heb 12:5-11)

Strategies:

• Irresistible Influence: There are four ways to influence someone which alway have a positive impact that cannot be resisted. Serve them (Jn 12:24,32), Believe in them, Set an Example for them, and Expose them to the Word of God.
• Comprehensive Influence with Balance: (see separate handout) There are three essential elements that must be kept in balance in order to comprehensively affect kids positively: Love, Teaching, and Discipline. (This also applies to every human relationship.) Love (especially Safety and Esteem) prepares the way for teaching by establishing trust. Kids don’t care what you know until they know that you care. Kids listen to your teaching when they trust or respect you. Teaching (including Morality, Priorities, and Spirituality) helps kids know what to do and how to do it and how to think about it. Discipline (including Correction, Training, and Rebuke) trains the will and creates habits. If you want to discipline more, you must love and teach more. Letting these get out of order or out of balance is a classic parenting error (e.g. over-disciplining and under-loving).
• Build a Team: (Pr 13:20, 1 Co 15:33) Structure positive spiritual relationships for them, and sacrifice deeply to help them flourish over many years. Kids need friends in the faith (peers and older friends) and other spiritual adults (uncles and aunts in the faith).  Parents and family are invaluable, but there is an influence that spiritual friends have that is critical in their teen years.

Advice/Notes:

• Lead by Example - You must be everything that you want your child to be. Share your life with them. They will imitate you.
• Emotional Closeness - Maintain emotional closeness with your children through regular special times with each child. Spend consistent quantities of time doing what they want to do. Share stories from your childhood. Have fun and adventures. Talk. Discover how to relate to your child when you are not controlling everything. Learn what brings them out.
• Family Devotionals - (Dt 6:4-9) Find ways to talk about God weekly, at meal times, in the car, as often as possible.
• Leadership and High Expectations - Your first role is to be a parent, not a friend. Expect them to obey and they will.
• Match Freedoms with Responsibility, Actions with Consequences - Mt 25:19-21, Lk 16:10-12, Lk 19:17,26 - We want kids to grow up and have responsibility just as fast as they are ready for it. The pace depends on their trustworthiness and responsibility.
• Unlimited Start-Overs - Lk 7:1-4, Mt 18:21-35, Eph 4:26, 2 Sam 14:13-14 - The goal after every conflict is a clean start-over.
• Crossing Over the Line - For sins of bad attitude, simply announce that the child is “over the line.” All discretionary privileges (screen time, phone time, friend time) are revoked until they apologize and humbly accept whatever you have to say to them.
• Eliminate Anger - Eph 4:29-32, Jas 1:19-20 - Anger destroys your positive influence in a situation. The child starts thinking about your bad behavior instead of their bad behavior. Aim for high expectations and firm discipline without anger. Always set an example in humility by apologizing for anger and other unspiritual behavior and asking for forgiveness.
• Honesty Time - Allow kids to declare “honesty time” where they understand they can say anything and you won’t get angry.
• Allow Kids to Fail - People must learn by experience, not words. Let them fail while you are still around to help them up.
• Be Considerate and Compassionate - Kids are not just little adults. Their brain is not fully developed until 27 years old. God does not let us be tempted beyond what we can bear (1Co 10:13). Be aware of limitations and make accommodations.

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Christian Parenting 01 Foundations - a handout for Christian parenting classes/discussions or a reference outline for counselors